Somebody's Always Saying Goodbye

The first thing Starr Ann and I loved together, besides each other, was a dog. If I'm going to make it through this, I won't mention any of the particulars, but when that dog died, Starr Ann and I got real odd with each other. We stopped looking each other in the eyes for six whole months.

Later on, we figured out that every time one of us would let go of the grief a little bit and feel slightly happy, all it took to bring back the sadness was to look right at the other one and bam, there it waited, ready to drag us both right back under. Eventually, we healed up and were us again.

These past ten days with Lane and Amanda went by so fast. We said goodbye to them yesterday morning. They're on their way to training - Amanda to combat medic school and Lane to a six week school for 21S, Topographic Surveyor school. She'll support a combat artillery unit.

I already wrote about the way they quarantined themselves up in the bedroom the first couple of days home, and then there was grocery shopping in the wee hours of one morning. Since then, we've played and laughed and run ourselves ragged not thinking about them leaving.

Starr Ann has been right there in the thick of the revelry. Heck, she's been the ringleader. But a few nights ago, she started coming to my room to sleep. If you want to call rolling back and forth, changing positions about a million times, and ending up at the wrong end of the bed sleeping.

The first night Starr Ann crept into my room was last Tuesday, January 29, 2008. She helped herself to a spot under the covers and whispered, "A female suicide bomber detonated a belt of explosives hidden under her black robes at a checkpoint in Baghdad today. She killed at least two women and wounded five."

I held my breath for a few seconds and sent a silent wish into the ether that Starr Ann's nightmares weren't about to start up again. For a while there, Khyadali Sana invaded Starr Ann's sleep every night in one way or another. Khyadali Sana was 16 years old when she drove a bomb-laden truck into an Israeli Defense Force convoy and killed two soldiers. That was 1985 when she earned the distinction of being the first known female suicide bomber. During most of 1993, Khyadali Sana visited Starr Ann's sleeping self as a lover, a sister, a mother, a daughter and finally, there was that last one where Starr Ann witnessed the act itself. Then the dreams just went away.

So that's why I held my breath. But Tuesday night, Starr Ann didn't say anything more about the woman who'd blown herself and the others away in Baghdad that morning. We said goodnight and slept tight.

During the days, you wouldn't believe how much fun we were having with Amanda and Lane. We were all just loaded with energy and constantly on the edge of giddiness.

Then, on Friday night, February 1, 2008, when Starr Ann came to bed, she mentioned the two women with Down's syndrome who'd been detonated in coordinated attacks on two pet markets in central Baghdad. Those killed at least 72 people and wounded nearly 150.

That night Starr Ann's sleep started falling apart. Of course, with lying right next to her, I didn't rest either.

Two nights later, on Sunday, February 3, 2008, Starr Ann's bedtime story concerned the female Tamil Tiger suicide bomber who killed at least 11 people in the capital of Sri Lanka, on the eve of the 60th anniversary of independence.

We were sleeping worse and worse, but for some reason, our days weren't a bit affected. Once we got up and started playing and partying with Lane and Amanda, it was easy to go for broke and bask in each moment. In fact, the moments kept getting deeper and deeper.

Yesterday, Starr Ann picked up an article that was really an extract of the memoirs Benazir Bhutto was finishing up at the time of her assassination. In it, she tells the story, in great detail, of the attempt on her life the day she returned to Pakistan last year from her home in exile, Dubai. Starr Ann just about couldn't stand what she'd read, and she tried real hard to keep from sharing it with me, but I made her tell me.

As Ms. Bhutto's armored campaign truck progressed slowly through masses of supporters in Karachi, she saw a man holding up a baby dressed in the colors of her party, the PPP. He gestured for her to take the baby, who was about one or two years old. When she motioned for the crowd to make way for him, the man didn't come forward, but tried to hand the baby to someone in the crowd, to pass to Ms. Bhutto. She feared the baby would get dropped and trampled, so she shook her head no, and said for him to bring the baby to her. Finally, the man asked a nearby security guard to let him up on the truck. As this played out, Ms. Bhutto bent down into the truck to loosen a strap on her shoe. That's when the blasts started up. They suspect the baby’s clothes were lined with plastic explosives. Ms. Bhutto survived that one. The baby and 178 other people did not.

We got up real early yesterday morning, because we all wanted to hike to the lake with a thermos of hot coffee and a bag of doughnuts before taking Lane and Amanda to the airport. You wouldn't believe how fresh the air smelled and how good that coffee tasted there in the first light, beside all that cold clear water. We were in great spirits and right before we left, Lane put on a CD and demanded we all waltz. Waltz, of all things. So we danced through four whole songs and traded partners back and forth and almost ended up being late for their flight check-in rigamarole.

At the final hug-up before they went to their gate, Lane reached for her black leather jacket but Starr Ann stopped her hand. Starr Ann said, "How about trading mine for yours?"

Lane chuckled at first, then she saw that Starr Ann was absolutely serious. Without asking why, she cautiously slipped her arms into Starr Ann's brown parka.

Visibility was way too good, and we could see the speck of their plane against the sky for a long, long time. When it finally disappeared, I asked Starr Ann, "Which do you fear more, that one of them will get killed or that one of them will have to live knowing she killed someone?"

Starr Ann snugged Lane's jacket up closer at the neck and said, "Neither thing is going to happen. But whatever this next four years brings, do you promise right here and now to not stop looking me in the eyes, no matter what you find there?"

We both slept in my room again, and I don't think Starr Ann moved a muscle all night.

Got Grocery?

We drank what was left of the milk for supper last night. And that's not the only thing that was running low, with Lane and Amanda crawling downstairs for refueling every two or three hours. Yep. A major grocery run was definitely needed.

Starr Ann (hi, Starr Ann) and I were at the kitchen table playing Grocery List when those two soldier girls came down acting a bit less hurried than they had for a few days. Guess their brains were finally out, and they were ready for socializing. Yay.

Lane peeped over Starr Ann's shoulder at her copy of The List and said, "Ooooo, me want some cookies."

Starr Ann pointed to the cookie section of The List. "We have Chips Ahoy, Oreo, and macaroons. What else can we do ya for?"

"Nilla wafers."

Starr Ann gave Lane a long hard look before adding that.

Amanda said, "So, can we go to the store with you guys?"

We said sure, but warned them that the timing might be a little out of their way. See? Starr Ann and I really like to play Grocery Shopping in the middle of the night, when most of the grownups aren't there. Lane and Amanda sounded up for that, so we planned to head out around two in the morning.

Spend-It-Rite was deserted when we got there. Well, deserted except for a few people stocking shelves, one cashier, and the manager who was probably in the office. But no other customers for sure.

First thing as we entered the store, Lane and Amanda cut to the right. Starr Ann had to stop them. "Wrong way, ladies."

Lane laughed, but she loves to challenge Starr Ann at every possible turn. "What does it matter, as long as we make a complete circuit?"

Starr Ann gave her that one look and said, "If we go that way first, silly, we'll pass the bar soap before the bread."

Lane rolled her eyes. Dang, what a teenager that girl can still be. "And that would be a problem why?"

Putting her hands on her hips, Starr Ann let her eyes get all wide, and asked in a serious tone, "You have played Grocery Shopping before, correct Lane? Amanda?"

They looked at each other and made a 'Starr Ann' face. I'd describe it, but I don't think I can. Sorry.

So Starr Ann says, real disappointed, "That speaks volumes. Allow Margo and me to guide and explain. It is essential to smell the breads before smelling the bar soap. The bar soap tends to jack with your olfactory receptors in a way that ruins the bread scents. But the bread has no effect on the soaps. Get it? Good." Starr Ann pointed to a grocery cart and led the way leftward.

We had a great time in the Produce Aisle. What's not to like about tomato inuendo, banana inuendo, and the occasional spontaneous misting? Nothing, in our opinion.

Anyway, next big stop was the Bread Aisle. Poor Lane and Amanda. We had to show them everything, from how to fan the wrapper for greater molecular flux, to saving the rye bread for last. What are they teaching kids nowadays?

They caught on pretty quick after that, though. By the time we reached the canned fruit, Starr Ann was pushing one basket, with me standing on the front and Lane was pushing the other one, with Amanda riding. Lane halted in front of the maraschino cherries. She reached out and touched one of the jars, her fingertip right on a cherry, and gave Starr Ann her best blissful expression of countenance to give some idea of their deliciousness. Yep. It was a move straight from Starr Ann's favorite scene in My Ántonia.

Tears filled Starr Ann's eyes, and she said, "Lane! You read it? For me?"

Looking all proud of herself, Lane said, "In Basic, we got a couple of free hours every Sunday afternoon, and I read it then."

Well, after that, it was Lane pushing one basket with Starr Ann riding, and me pushing Amanda on the other one. And Starr Ann and Lane kinda went off in their own direction for a while. That was real sweet, I thought.

We met back up with them in Greeting Cards. Starr Ann was in the process of explaining how to go through all the Love cards and separate out the ones ambiguous enough to be Lesbian Love cards. We all worked on that for a few minutes and when we had them all sorted, I got out the Sharpie pen we were gonna buy and made a new shelf label that said Lesbian Love. It looked real nice. Then we did the same thing in Birthday, Get Well, Congratulations, and Friendship. Heh.

That was hard work, believe it or not, and we thought we deserved to go directly to the bar soaps. Dang, I could just take a bite right out of Dove pink soap. I swear I could. Starr Ann favors Zest. I noticed Amanda and Lane both seemed partial to the Sandalwood. But whatever. Starr Ann and I try not to judge.

For the final stretch of store, we traded off so that Lane and I were together. As she started to push me toward the back of Aisle Four, I said, "They're kinda following us, Lane, maybe we should take a left here so we don't end up in the meat section. The meat makes Starr Ann sad."

Lane said, "Already all over that, Margo. Starr Ann told me the same thing about you when I almost led you and Amanda over there earlier."

We forgot the dang milk! Can you believe that? All these cookies and no milk.

What's Your Sign?

They're home! Lane and Amanda got here in the middle of the night and we get to have them for ten whole days. At least, we kinda get to have them.

They arrived waving a DO NOT DISTURB sign they'd pilfered from the hotel they stayed in on their way here. Starr Ann and I fixed up a little food and as soon as that was eaten, those two disappeared upstairs. I went up there to see about sheets and pillows, but apparently they'd found their own, because their door was shut and that sign dangled gayly from the doorknob.

I told Starr Ann, "Guess we might not see much of those two the first day."

Starr Ann thought for a second, and said, "We better have food ready for when they crawl out."

"Dang, you're so right."

The first Lane/Amanda sighting was about three hours later. Good thing about the food. They went through half a gallon of milk, a third of a yellow cake with maple icing, and the very last of our chocolate chip cookie dough.

When they drifted back to the room, Starr Ann said, "Hmmm, next time down they're gonna need salty stuff."

Jodie let herself in the front door and came walking in right about then. She laughed real happy when we told her what was going on. Then she went upstairs for something and came back down laughing even harder. "Did you see the sign those two have taped to their bedroom door?"

Starr Ann said, "Yeah, DO NOT DISTURB. Cute."

"Oh, no, that's what they have hanging from the doorknob. Taped to the actual door, there's a sign that says GIRL ON GIRL ZONE - KEEP OUT."

We had to run up and take a look. It was on white sheets of typing paper, written in cornflower blue and forest green crayon. Real pretty.

So before the hour was out, here come Lane and Amanda streaking back down to the kitchen. And yep, Starr Ann was correct, it was salt they were after. Took them about 30 minutes to polish off a big bag of potato chips, two grilled cheese sandwiches apiece, and a huge pot of leftover onion soup.

The whole rest of the day went just about like that until finally, after we all finished a big supper together, they retired for the night. Jodie, Starr Ann and I sneaked upstairs later to have a look at their final sign and had to crack up. The outside of the door was criss-crossed from top to bottom with bright yellow police-type tape that read CAUTION: CRIMES AGAINST NATURE.

Jodie examined the elaborate web stretched back and forth across the doorframe, and said, "Now how in the world did they manage that from inside the room?"

Starr Ann just cocked her head that one way and said, "Window."

Anyway, Lane and Amanda are home! Yay.

Lane's On The Plane

Somehow, Starr Ann's party plans fell together just right. The house was filling up with women who hit the doorway taking in deep, appreciative whiffs of Starr Ann's cooking and talking fast. What great weather! Have Lane and Amanda shown up yet? Wow, Bates is getting big, no wait, he isn't!

Most of The Posse and all of the Saloon Ladies were there, when Lane and Amanda came walking in looking, well, they were aglow. Heh. People started kissing and hugging them and Amanda was eating it up, but Lane gets a little tight when the affection starts to flow, so she scooped up Bates and told him how handsome he looked in his new "Don't Watch Me Poop" sweater. I got him the bright yellow one with royal blue lettering.

Anyway, this party was already rocking when Lori came swooping in looking cowgirly, yes, but also decidedly piratical. She was leading a contingent from Th'Mound and declared, "This here's Cap'n Dyke's Advanced Plunderin' Party! Prepare to be prepared to be plundered!"

Dang, she was serious. She and the Crew started unloading supplies and Lori personally brought a bottle of Jose Cuervo over to me and asked how I liked it. I said straight, lime no salt. She had two whole shots in me before I knew what was happening. But, heh, it was party time.

Starr Ann was in her glory! Jodie was helping her put out the food, and The Posse just kept complimenting her on just about everything. And Lane really did look happy. She really did.

Right about when everybody got quiet so Sandwriter could read a farewell poem, Lane swung into the dining room, laughing and glancing around, saying, "Where's my Bates Boy?"

FRoG said last time she saw him, he was snapping at one of the pirates.

TripleSecs spoke up and said, "That was me he bit." She was rubbing her ankle a little. "But after that, I saw him walking out the side door, looking all businesslike."

Lane smiled, but kinda rushed to the side door. She was back in a few seconds, looking pretty panicky. "I don't see him!"

Well, right as our all-out search started up, Cap'n Dyke came riding in on Plunder. She stopped next to me, where I was searching some bushes, and said, "Now, Ye didn't think a few Tons o'Ice would be keepin' Me from th'Party, did Ye?"

She studied me kinda hard while I was telling her about Bates being lost. "Me Margo, how much Advance Plunderin' has Me APP accomplished?"

I showed her the tequila bottle Lori had been helping me with, and said, "This much, but that's beside the point! Bates really is lost."

Everything started happening real fast. Starr Ann came running out to tell us Lane had a great idea. She found the card from that animal communicator, Simone, and was on the phone with her right then. We all went inside to get the word.

Bottom line from Simone was that everybody who Bates knows well should fan out, searching and calling his name. Everybody else should get busy printing up flyers and getting them posted all over the place. So, Lori led the poster brigade and Starr Ann, Amanda and I were about to go out calling for Bates, when Lane called us back.

Lane was still on the phone. She said, "Simone has him!" Then she listened a minute, and said, "A man picked Bates up and drove off with him...blue truck...Bates is showing Simone a man's hairy arms as he was being carried...now he's showing her an eagle...no, a hawk on the man's wrist...Simone says maybe a tattoo..."

Starr Ann and I said at the same second, "Randy Sneed!"

We raced for the barn and Starr Ann beat me by a mile, probably because of the tequila. She was already on Oatmeal when Cap'n Dyke intercepted me, saying, "Pop up here, Me Poppet. Ye be seemin' just a Mite Tipsy for ridin' Trickster."

Plunder's one fast steed! We got to Randy's front porch a few hops ahead of Starr Ann. The Cap'n and I reached the door and were about to pound on it, when Starr Ann pushed past us and just opened the thing. Not a lot of locked doors around here. Anyway, there Randy was, standing in his living room smirking.

Starr Ann said, 'Where's the puppy?"

Randy said, "Now I didn't go and wreck your little queer party, did I?"

One second Randy Sneed was grinning his face off and the next he was slamming against the wall with a dagger grazing his throat and a real-life Cap'n Dyke growl happening about four inches from his face.

Cap'n said, "Now ye'll be tellin' Me Mighty Heart Rustler where ye've put th'Puppy."

Real shaky, Randy said, "In that bathroom just the other side of the hall."

Starr Ann threw the door open and came right back out cuddling little Bates, letting him settle against her cleavage the way he loves to do.

Randy said, "I wasn't gonna hurt anything. Just a little joke. You know how I like to joke, right Margo? Right Starr Ann?"

Lane and Amanda came flying through the door and all four of us just wallowed in the relief of being able to touch Bates. Finally, we looked up and saw that Randy was still nailed into place.

I said, "Might as well let him go, Cap'n."

"Not so fast, Me Magnificent." Cap'n Dyke rammed Randy into the wall a little harder and said, "Will One o'ye be checkin' t'See if th'Wee Lad was provided with a bowl o'Water?" She bared her teeth at Randy. "That'll be th'Measure that decides yer Fate, Me Coward." Then she smiled real nice like.

Starr Ann peeked into the bathroom. "Guess you can let him live, Cap'n. There's a big bowl of water and a coupla treats on the floor in there."

I truly think Cap'n was disappointed to hear that. But she turned Randy loose and we all rode home together.

It was the middle of the night by the time everybody got back and the food wasn't exactly in its prime, but none of that mattered much. About four in the morning, Lane got a call. It was from Simone, and they talked for over an hour. After that, Lane's whole demeanor was changed. She was real calm. Seemed real confident. And she started hugging us and telling us she loved us.

Since the night was long gone, and Lane and Amanda had to be on their plane at eight, the whole Posse and all the Saloon Ladies went to the airport to see them off with us.

The very last thing Lane said before leaving was something she whispered to Bates. We couldn't hear what she said, but the puppy who never whines whined the whole time Lane and Amanda were walking away from us toward the plane.



And here's that farewell poem Sandwriter never did get around to reciting:


learning to fly

amanda, lane
i think you're daft
to join the army
sans the draft

in times of peace
it seems ok
with uniforms
and war game play

but war, in countries
far from home
destruction, death
where 'er you roam

but girls must do
what girls must do
and maybe this
is right for you

here at home
we anxious wait
for your return
which will be great

do your duty
soldier well
protect your heart
from war's vile spell

remember love
and gentle days
our love goes with you
for always

Holiday Cheer

Lane got up at four in the morning and already had the horses fed and the barn cleaned by the time Starr Ann and I were awake. Naturally, we figured something was up. It was. Lane had another announcement for us.

After breakfast, she started clearing the table, and said, real smooth, "I'm going to spend the night over at Amanda's."

Starr Ann said, "Your buddy Amanda, who rides the paint mare?"

"No, a different Amanda."

I said, "Not the one you said you'd like to kick her butt because of the stupid guys she dates?"

"Hell no! I met this one at the recruiter's the other day. We're going to try to leave for Basic the same day."

Starr Ann held onto her plate so Lane couldn't scoop it up. "Hang on, will you? I'm not finished." Starr Ann jellied another piece of toast. "How many Amandas do you know, anyway?"

Lane shrugged. "A few. Roughly one in three girls born around the time I was are named Amanda."

Starr Ann said she believed that, then asked, "So, spending the night, eh? Thought you didn't like sleeping in houses with parental types around."

Lane's eyes got a real tantalized look in them. "Who said anything about parents? Amanda's twenty. Has her own place."

Starr Ann stopped eating and looked over at me so we could exchange an exaggerated look of clear understanding. Lane took her cue. She wiggled her eyebrows and shook her butt. Nuff said. Lane has herself a girlfriend.

After Lane left for Amanda's, Starr Ann said, "Remember when we were seventeen, Margo? You were crawlin' around after Janie Thomas and I was totally gone over Desiree."

"Actually, you were crawlin' around after Desiree, and I was totally gone over Janie Thomas."

"Heh."

I said, "Goddess, remember how Sister Mary Toadius was always trying to sniff out whether anybody was having any fun? How about that time she caught you and Christine Adams in the laundry room?"

"Yeah, and Sister Mary Blissie Marie came to our rescue by making up that story about how she had told us to get down on our knees and scrub the floor."

I could see the idea cut its way through Starr Ann's mind. She put down the dish towel and said, "Think I'll mosey over to Jodie's."

So there I was, sitting on the porch, watching the rain and wishing for someone to share some carnal celebration of my own with, when I saw a horse approaching from the South. As it drew closer, I could make out Sugar's white blaze against her deep chestnut coat. Dang. Seems I had conjured Celia Susan out of thin air.

Celia Susan brought Sugar right up to the porch rail, and without dismounting, she asked, "Got an extra place at the table for Thanksgiving dinner?"

"Always, Celia." I think I actually had tears in my eyes.

Astonished, she said, "Why, Margo, that's the first time you've ever called me Celia instead of Celia Susan, you know that?"

Celia Susan had peeled back the hood of her rain jacket and her hair was real messed up, like in the morning sometime. I just nodded, and I guess my mood all of a sudden got through to her. She said, kinda snappy, "I'm gonna get Sugar put up snug. Why don't you fix me a hot bath, and after, you and I'll see what all we can give each other to feel thankful about tomorrow?"

When I went back outside to meet Celia Susan on her way in from the barn, the rain had stopped and the air was full of rainbows. Nature sure was putting on a beautiful show out there, but Celia and I went inside anyway.