Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Starr Ann Picked Up A Cute Guy At A Bar! And She Brought Him Home!

So Jodie, Starr Ann and I went out to this bar called Anytimes to play pool a few nights ago. You know how when it isn't your turn to shoot you start paying attention to what's going on at the other tables? Well, at the table next to us, this woman was playing rings around this real cute guy. She had him behind the eight ball most of the time, but they seemed to be having a real good time. Too bad the manager had to all of a sudden get suspicious about the cute guy's age and toss him out.

Yep. You can see that whole part of the story here.

Anyway, at first the little guy seemed kinda pathetic just hanging around outside the entrance.

We were feeling real bad for him. Until we spotted him scopin' out a way to sneak back in.

He lurked there near what he later referred to as a "security weakness" until nobody was looking, and then he booked so fast his hoodie blew back.

Well, everybody knows how much Starr Ann admires a stealthy move that's not meant to hurt anybody. You should have seen that girl's face! Her eyes got all wide and she touched Jodie's arm, saying, "Can you and Margo hang together the rest of the night? I know a kindred spirit when I see one."

Turns out his name is Muffin, Cross-Dressin' Bear O'Mystery. We partied with Muffin until he'd played every song that old jukebox had.

He came home with us and got naked.

After his bath, Muffin was still full of energy and said since it was starting to get light out, we might as well stay up and show him some more Louisville sights, like Churchill Downs.

Jodie warned him Churchill Downs was closed this time of year, but he and Starr Ann gave each other that one look, the one that says 'closed' is a matter of perception.
After checking for what he called "fence weaknesses,"

Muffin finally had to admit that Churchill Downs has locks coming out the wahzoo.

Right when they were about to give up, Muffin and Starr Ann spotted it at the same time - a fence weakness big enough to trot a cross dressin' bear o'mystery through. It was just a matter of popping in...

getting a running start...

scaling one curb...

and voilà! Muffin's on the racetrack.

And in the stable area.

And goofin' around over by the jock's room.

When it finally came time to head for home, Muffin found out breaking out can be as hard as breaking in.

Monday, March 17, 2008

The Holocaust Did Not Happen --- Slavery? Never in America --- Bush a War Criminal? No Way

My best friend Starr Ann came right up to me this morning and said, "Do you remember in fourth grade, when you and I got in big trouble for taking turns doing each other's homework?"

I laughed and said sure I did.

"Well, that never happened, Margo."

Starr Ann had that one look on her face. The one where you know all you have to do is wait, and a reasonable explanation is bound to come spilling out of her. But nothing came spilling out. She just tapped my shoulder, real satisfied, and walked into the other room.

I'd love to be able to report that I'm so cool I was able to keep from following her and asking what she meant by that. But of course, I'm not made that way.

When I caught up to her in the mud room, where she was pulling on her muck boots, I said, "You gonna explain why all of a sudden we didn't get in trouble for our homework scam?"

"What homework scam?"

I rubbed my temples. "Our fourth grade homework scam."

Starr Ann did that fond distant memory smile. "Oh, yeah, that one worked for us a good long time before Sister Blissie Marie finally caught on and made us do double homework for two weeks. I thought that was harsh, didn't you?"

"You're being weird, even for you, Starr Ann. Tell me why you just now went out of your way to say we never got punished for that."

"But we did."

"But you said we didn't."

"No I didn't."


Everybody confused yet? Well, that was exactly Starr Ann's point. I finally dragged it out of her. She'd just read an article in The Independent about some negation UK's Ministry of Defence is trying to pull concerning the Iraq War. It's sickening stuff, and Starr Ann was just trying on the pejorative powers of revisionist history.

Seems UK's MoD is behind a lesson plan drawn up to teach kids about the war. Please read the article for yourself. I'll just say here that the lesson plan "makes no mention of any civilian casualties as a result of the war," "stresses the 'reconstruction' of Iraq," and talks about how the "invasion was necessary to allow the opportunity to remove Saddam Hussein, but it fails to mention the lack of United Nations backing for the war." And then there's the disturbing detail that Student Worksheet "notes also use the American spelling of 'program.'" That last part gets each and every one of Starr Ann's conspiracy theorist cells firing.

Anyway, if you know anything about Starr Ann at all, you know she's a true believer in doing unto the government as the government is trying its best to do unto her. So, she's exploring the life-changing possibilities of revising things to her liking.

For example, on our way to Jodie's house to tell her about this development, Starr Ann substantially negated a bunch of our tax obligation for last year. Good thing we don't usually file until the last minute, or we coulda just gone ahead and paid "the old way," as Starr Ann puts it. We've decided on a few other changes, too, but in line with an earlier lesson Starr Ann learned right from the government, we're not disclosing those. In fact, we have no recollection of any conversations pertaining to any historical revisions.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Late Winter Gift

You know how people tend to give the gifts they'd like to receive? We're thinkin' the same might hold true for Siberian Huskies. Just sayin'.

Look what the horses found when we freed them from their warm, snug barn this morning!

Just the thing, Sasha. Thanks!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Sasha Flies

A fine cinnamon husky with china-blue eyes left us this morning. Sasha bossed around two cheerful husbands over the course of her nineteen years, and trained a few other pups how to behave in polite company. Quite a girl.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Schrödinger's Bottle

The Queen of Memes has done it again! My best friend Starr Ann (hi, Starr Ann) and I are being held in the dungeon at Bloggingham Palace until we respond to Mimi's Message In a Bottle Meme.

Here's how this one is supposed to work:

You are about to send a virtual Message In a Bottle across the Blog Ocean. Leave a message in the sand or on the bottle. Write anything you wish. Be a pirate or a poet. Serious or silly. Anonymous or not.

What message would you like to send out to the universe?

Message In A Bottle Meme

1. Compose a message to place in your virtual bottle
2. Right click and Save the graphic below

3. Use a graphics program of your choice to place the message on the picture
4. Post the meme and these rules on your blog
5. Return your "Message In a Bottle" to Mimi via email ~ mimiwrites2005 at yahoo.com, sign the Mr. Linky below her post and leave a comment THERE telling her you've finished. IF YOU WANT YOUR MESSAGE TO BE ANONYMOUS PLEASE SAY SO.
6. Tag a minimum of five people - or your entire blogroll - to do the same. Notify them of the tag.

Here's how Starr Ann insists we do it:

You open the bottle only to find another, teensy bottle inside. On that tiny bottle, there's a label that reads, This Bottle Contains One of Two Things - Unbounded Joy, or Dreadful Misery.

Your dilemma is whether to open the second bottle.

This is Starr Ann's version of Schrödinger's Cat, that famous thought experiment posed by Erwin Schrödinger. According to Starr Ann (and Schrödinger), until you actually open that second bottle, indeterminacy dominates the whole situation. In other words, you're caught up someplace between Joy and Misery, living a mixture of the two.

So, if Starr Ann's bottle washes up into your life, you can choose to leave it corked, not mess with the indeterminacy, or pull the cork out and risk Dreadful Misery in your hope of attaining Unbounded Joy.

Sounds scary, doesn't it?

Well, here's the good news. Starr Ann claims human spirit and perception trumps paradoxes in quantum theory. As the observer, you get to choose whether what you're looking at is Misery or Joy. So, what are you made of? Will you be opening the bottle?

(Starr Ann tags: Our Fine Strappin' Cap'n, Drowning Pisces, Current Jam, and Creatively Flowing.