Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Is That Tylenol In Your Pocket, Or Am I Just Glad To See You?

[The only way this post is going to make sense is if you read this one first, and then this one Thanks!]

There it is. A partial copy of the actual referral form to the neurologist. Plain as anything, it says "orgasmic headaches." Although the pluralization's a little misleading. She's only had the one.

I was home alone when Lor--Paladin's call came through after her neurologist appointment.


"It's Lori."

"I thought we had to call you Paladin now?"

"I decided that doesn't have to strictly start until the New Year."


Then Lori got right to the point, like she's prone to do. "I just got out of the appointment with Dr. No, and he wants me to not have an orgasm until all the tests are done and back in TWO WEEKS."

"No way am I believing that the doctor who's restricting you from sex for two whole weeks is named 'Dr. No.'"

"Well, it's spelled all fancy, but it's pronounced 'no.'"

"So what did you say?"

"I said I didn't think that was a reasonable expectation. To which he said, 'Don't you have any self control?' To which I said 'NO.'"

I said, "Did he think you were screaming his own name at him?"

"Look, Margo, let's not let this whole thing deteriorate into a lame version of Who's On First, okay?"

Dang! Lori really knows me too well.

So, from what I gather, Lori whined and moaned to Dr. No until he threw out a suggestion that maybe, if she took Tylenol about 30 minutes beforehand, maybe it would be okay to go ahead and have an orgasm. But he added that if she got that piercing head pain again, she should go to the ER like the last time.

Anyway, when Starr Ann got home and I brought her up to date, she had herself an idea. Starr Ann suggested we surprise those two lovebirds by paying to have an ambulance on standby while they...you know. She thought the EMTs could just kinda go in the house and have a snack or watch a movie or something while Lori and Dangergirl...you know...in the ambulance.

Starr Ann swears with a portable CD player, some plush material, and a few candles, she can transform this

into this

That girl can make anything romantic!

Only thing is, it turns out ambulance time is real expensive. So, if anybody wants to pitch in, just let us know, okay? Thanks!

Oh, and Starr Ann wanted me to dedicate this to Lori.