Last night, Lane and Amanda were still entrenched in their room and Starr Ann went home with Jodie. I had a brand new Carol O'Connell mystery, and although I'd have preferred to be doing what the others were doing, I really was looking forward to settling down to read some Kathleen Mallory.
That's when the nausea hit. By the time I staggered to my bed, I was all clammy and too weak to get undressed. Just climbed under the covers and lay there shivering and kinda not opposed to the idea of dying.
Anyway, I don't know how long I'd been huddled there when the dream started up. Only it didn't seem at all like a dream. But so many parts of it couldn't be NOT a dream, it was real confusing.
In the dream, I heard a horse approaching outside, and then Cap'n Dyke opened my door real soft and came in carrying a lit candle. She paused in the doorway and said, "Me Dear Morsel, a touchy belly be th'worst, now isn't it?" She put the candle on my table and bent over so I didn't have to talk too loud. I nodded my head and the Cap'n said, "Ye take a care an' lie back quiet an' easy, Me Lass. I'll hie right back."
Then she left, or I should say, the dream was over.
Next thing I know, there's Cap'n Dyke standing there again, holding a silver goblet. This time she said, "Now, Me Sweetling, when ye feel that ye can bear it, sip this."
I asked her what was in the goblet.
"It be a spot o'peppermint tea with a drop o'honey t'sweeten yer tongue."
When I told her I couldn't quite handle it yet, Th'Cap'n carefully placed her goblet on my table and brought the desk chair over beside the bed. As she sat down, she said, "Ye slip off into dreams, Me Darlin'; I give ye Me Word that I'll be sittin' right here beside ye 'iffin ye be needin' anything at all."
Guess I did sleep for a while, and when I woke up that mint was starting to smell mighty inviting, so in my weird dream it seemed perfectly acceptable to ask the lesbian Pirate Queen for a sip of tea from her silver goblet. The brew was still real warm and I can't tell you how soothing it felt going down. When the goblet was empty, Cap'n Dyke took the weight of it from me and asked me how I felt.
I pushed up on my pillow a bit and said, "A little better, actually." Then a big wave of weakness made me sink down again.
Of course she raised the piratical eyebrow and said, "Margo...if ye will stop tryin' t'sit up, I'll sing ye a wee song, but ye must lie back quiet, hear?"
Well, there wasn't much choice about sitting up at that point anyway.
Then the most amazing thing happened. When she said she'd sing a song, I was thinking something piratical, adventurous, or high seas romantic. But serious as anything, Cap'n Dyke started singing a SpongeBob SquarePants song, in SpongeBob's voice. It was the one that goes:
The best time to wear a striped sweater
is allllll the time,
One with a turtle neck
in its designnnnn...
By the time she got that far, I was laughing too hard to remember being sick. As soon as the song was finished, the Sapphic Seafarer started in on an outrageous story about the Evil Sea-Monkeys and how they know for a fact that SpongeBob really is gay.
This was turning into one of the most fun dreams I'd ever had. I think peppermint tea with a hint of honey and real hard laughter might just be the cure for an upset stomach.
After all the exertion, I must have started looking kinda peaked again, because the Delectable Dyke lowered her voice and quietly told me stories about gypsy birds, and wild horses and a beautiful, virile maid of long ago. As she spoke, My Finest One absently tilted and turned the silver goblet, so the candlelight glinted and glanced all over my walls.
Right before I tipped off to a sound sleep, I think Cap'n Dyke had begun referring to that strong, fervent maid as Jonet Darc. Which made perfect sense, because Starr Ann and I have always been fascinated with Joan of Arc.
Soon after sunrise, I woke up feeling real good. I passed Lane and Amanda at the top of the stairs, on their way back from a kitchen break. We said good morning as Lane taped a fresh BioHazard sign to their door, and as they were scooting inside, Amanda asked me how my touchy belly was feeling.
About halfway down the steps, those words 'touchy belly' echoed back from the Cap'n Dyke dream. Unusual phrasing that. And how did Lane and Amanda know I'd been feeling ill? Hmmm. Have to remember to ask them about that next time they emerge.
Anyway, when I got to the kitchen it smelled just like peppermint tea with a hint of honey.
