Wednesday, November 12, 2008

There's Always Room For Gel-oh!

Lori Hahn introduced me to sex toys. Dang, that came out wrong. And I still haven't taken the time to learn how to work the eraser on this thing, or I'd change that sentence to something more accurate, like "I finally listened to Lori Hahn's recommendations concerning the joys of sex toys."

Anyway, Lori has been kinda singing the praises of her Hitachi Magic Wand for just about forever. And then she did this sex toy review over at The Lesbian Lifestyle a couple of weeks ago, and all that got Starr Ann and me thinking.

So we were out in the barn cleaning tack, and we got to talking. I said, "I wonder why we've never gotten into appliances, Starr Ann."

Starr Ann dipped her sponge in our bucket of warm water, wrung it out, and foamed it up with tack soap before saying, "Can't really say for sure, but my guess would be that we're a tiny bit more focused on natural, organic sensuality than your average modern day woman."

I rubbed some more suds into the leather bridle I was cleaning and thought about that some. Then I said, "But you know, Lori's real focused on the sensual. And she's so popular. And coming from California and all, she's kinda cutting edge, right?"

Starr Ann hung her clean halter on a hook and got out the saddle oil. "Keep talkin', Margo, I'm listenin'."

"Well, here's Lori with all this experience - did I tell you she sent me a list of the new batch of women she's dating?"

"No, you sure didn't."

"Yep. So far I have the list alphabetized, but I'm working on a little algorithm for managing it better."

Starr Ann said she thought that was real nice of me.

"So, here's Lori with all this experience and all these women, and she still has good things to say about silicon. I bet you we're the last two uninhibited lesbians in the world to try it out. We need to get with the program, Starr Ann. I wonder why we haven't realized this before."

Starr Ann said, "Well, it's prolly like the way I've stocked all my disaster shelters with dried food. We know it's there in case we need it, but in the meantime, we don't actually eat dehydrated food, we eat regular fruits and vegetables. See?"

Then, upon further reflection and discussion, Starr Ann and I reminded ourselves that each of Starr Ann's underground bunkers is also equipped with an emergency sex kit, fully stocked with the very best silicon gel materials and shapes, as well as several solar-powered devices and plenty of duct tape.

Starr Ann slapped one of those clean saddles on Oatmeal and rode off right away to get us a couple of those kits. And, as was only right, when she got home with them, she handed me one and rode off again, riding real fast toward Jodie's place.

I was sitting on the porch taking inventory of my kit, realizing these things are totally singles friendly, when the clouds parted, the Sun came out real strong, and the melodious sound of prancing hoofbeats made me look up. Yep. It was miracle time, and my miracle was the appearance of none other than Celia Susan.

I guess it was because she came riding up right as I was twirling this ice-blue double dong in the sunlight that Celia Susan smiled so big as she said, "You have a license to operate that thing, Margo?"

For a split second, I almost quit my own smiling, but I realized just in time that she was totally kidding. Heh. I even mustered enough cool to say, "No, but before I get certified, I need somebody to give me a check ride."

What a fun two days that was! Late the second evening, Celia Susan and I were all kicked back, starting to think about food and stuff, when I brought up how amazing it was that neither Starr Ann nor I had ever gone beyond the strictly organic before.

Celia Susan's real smart sometime. She said, "Well, Margo, why do you think Sci Fi writers always make their extraterrestrial life forms silicon-based? It's because silicon is right there in the same family with carbon when you look at the Periodic Table of Elements. So, there ya go."

That made total sense to me.