Wanderlust

My best friend Starr Ann (hi, Starr Ann) came to my room last night. Actually, it was about an hour before daylight.

Once she got snuggled in all warm and comfortable, Starr Ann said, "Planets looked real pretty up there tonight."

I said, "Cold as it is, you've been out looking at the sky?"

She said, "Got restless."

Well, I just had to wrap her up a little tighter, thinking how the wind had ripped right through us when we'd gone down to the barn to top off the horses' buckets with hot water.

Then Starr Ann said, "You're pretty sweet on Destiny Jane, aren't you?"

I said, "Pretty sweet."

"Sweet as on Celia Susan?"

I had to think a second before saying, "Different sweet."

Starr Ann's eyelashes are so thick, I can always hear her blink when she's lying beside me in the quiet like that. After a few minutes she said, "Let's just take off for the day."

I said okay, but she acted like she still had some convincing to do.

She said, "We could get on the horses and just ride off. Ride about halfway 'til dark then turn around and ride on back."

Again I said yes, and that time it got through.

Starr Ann threw back the covers and slipped back into her chaps and things before raising my window. When she was half in it and half out, she said, "I'll break the news to the horses. Meet you in the barn."

Even with the cold, we couldn't have asked for a more beautiful sunrise to ride into. It was getting pretty light by the time we turned into that stretch of road where Destiny Jane's truck broke down last year and left that big rut. That was on a kinda long straightaway and before we got to the rut we could see another horse and rider approaching - way out there in the middle of nothing, at that hour of the morning.

A good ways before she reached us, before we could tell by sight, we knew she was a woman because her voice was carrying so far and clear on that crisp air. Then when we got closer, we could see she was talking on her cell phone. That lady passed right on by us with just a little nod of her head, like it's the most natural thing in the world to meet up with people on horseback practically in the middle of the night, but to be too busy talking on the phone to even say hi.

About the the time we were getting over that, we reached the rut and Starr Ann asked, "Has Destiny Jane ever let on her feelings about you?"

I said, "She hasn't made herself real plain, but last time she was leaving she was sitting sideways in her truck with the door swung wide open, facing out at me, and she wanted to know if I ever felt like we'd known each other all our lives."

"So what did you tell her?"

"I said no, I couldn't say as I had."

Starr Ann got that one look on her face, the one where you just know she wants to make a remark, but instead of actually saying it, she's real obvious about how she's holding it in.

I said, "What!"

Starr Ann said, "Margo, next time somebody asks where you fit on the butch-femme continuum and you've got no idea how to answer, just say you're not even on that one, that you've jumped clear over to the cool-clueless scale."

"Well, Starr Ann, what was I supposed to say? What's so clueless about telling the truth?"

"Did I say you're on the clueless end?"

"Am I?"

I didn't really get an answer to that because all of a sudden Starr Ann got all innerested in re-situating her hat. Then for some reason, she had to take her gloves off and put them back on. And apparently her butt was trying to go to sleep, because she had to shift her weight a few times, real deliberate. Anyway, I never did get an answer to that.

After taking good long rest breaks for the horses and a leisurely breakfast on the cinnamon bagels Starr Ann brought, we still got all the way to the Salt River before eleven o'clock, which is when we'd figured we should turn around. I doubt we said eight words the whole way back. But with Starr Ann, sometime that's the best way to figure out what's really on her mind - just stay real close without talking and let the information come through at it's very own angle.

When we got all the way back to that rut spot again, Starr Ann spoke up. "Jodie's just about finished with her book, you know. Things're starting to feel like we're getting to some kind of juncture. Know what I mean, Margo?"

I sure did know what she meant. I said, "No, I don't. Tell me."

Starr Ann said, "I was kind of hoping you'd tell me."

Dang, that girl has a knack for making me feel real important and real apprehensive at the same time.

We just kept on riding, and when we made that turn where you can look down on our whole place and see our sweet house sitting there a little ways up the hill from the barn, we could see smoke rising from our chimney. Without saying it, we both realized Jodie was there and prolly had a nice supper waiting for us.

I pulled back on Trickster and Starr Ann stopped Oatmeal so we could just take in the sight of our place for a minute.

I said, "Know what else I said to Destiny Jane when she asked me that question?"

Starr Ann leaned sideways in her saddle, waiting for me to go on.

"I told Destiny Jane that you're the only forever thing in my life so far, and nothing could really rewrite that."

Starr Ann got that one look on her face, the one I'm not a good enough writer to ever capture in words, and said, "I bet you Jodie has hot bean soup and corn bread waiting for us down there."

I kissed to Trickster to get her moving and said, "Nah. Jodie knows I'm partial to chili on a day like this. It'll be chili."

For the little bit of ride we had left, and all through putting the horses to bed, Starr Ann and I felt light as feathers.

When we got to the house, it was bean soup and corn bread.


That gorgeous image is courtesy of artist Jessica McMahon.

Endless Possibilities

Sometimes I just don't get Starr Ann. There she was a few days ago, all concerned about the fact that I've not posted about Jodie for a while and that Jodie and I seem to have drifted apart. Which, if you ask me, we haven't. But once Starr Ann gets an idea in her head, it's there to stay until she gets rid of it her own self, in her own way. So, I filled out Starr Ann's weird questionnaire (what the heck does my hottest, most recurring sexual fantasy have to do with this, anyway?) and she was supposed to use her homemade algorithm to run my 'data' and come up with the best possible way for Jodie and me to reconnect.

I handed Starr Ann the completed survey, and guess what she did? Without even glancing at my answers, she saddled up her trusty steed Oatmeal and rode off, saying, "Going to one of the bunkers to process this, Margo. Be back soon." That was three days ago.

That night, Jodie asked me over to her place for supper so we could try to figure out what kinda ordeal Starr Ann was going to come up with for us. Jodie's first guess was that Starr Ann would send us off on an extended camping trip. Maybe to Red River Gorge. That sounded real fun to me, so we stopped what we were doing, right in the middle of making the salads, to go check out the Gorge online. Pretty, isn't it?

Then, after another margarita or two, I started thinking that was way too predictable. Starr Ann would surely come up with something a little more subtle than that. Jodie said I was prolly right.

While Jodie and I were all caught up in Googling the Gorge, we started smelling something odd. Right at the same second, we both realized the odor was coming from the kitchen.

Jodie got to the stove first, and started stirring one pan all fast and furious. She said, real relieved, "We nearly scorched our white sauce."

For some reason, that sentence struck me way too funny. My side was killing me, and each time I almost recovered from the laughter, Jodie would make this wry face and repeat, "We nearly scorched our white sauce." Which sent me into another laughing fit.

During dinner, we made all kinds of plans about the camping trip. Then I remembered how, just about a month ago, some guy went missing in Red River Gorge. I told Jodie how Starr Ann had smirked while reading the newspaper article that said he was found about a week later right near where he'd originally camped, had to be identified through dental records, and all his valuables were missing. The smirky part came when Starr Ann quoted: Police do not suspect foul play. In other words, tourism brings in too much revenue to let one person's misfortune get in its way.

Jodie said, "I see your point, Margo. Starr Ann isn't about to let us go trekking off into someplace she deems dangerous."

So by dessert (Jodie had made her super special key lime pie) we were back at square one on figuring out Starr Ann's plan. Jodie threw her hand out, real frustrated like, and nearly knocked over her amaretto coffee.

I poured a little more liqueur into both our coffees and said, "We've gotta get into her head. Gotta think like Starr Ann."

Jodie cracked up. "Takes a brave woman to try a thing like that," she said, and raised her cup. "Here's to brave women."

I raised mine. "Brave women."

After a few minutes of silence, I offered, "Maybe she'll send us off on an exotic vacation somewhere. An Olivia cruise."

Jodie clasped her hands behind her neck and stared at the ceiling for about five seconds. Then she dismissed my idea with, "Hell, no. That'd leave all the chores on both ranches for Starr Ann to do all by herself. Plus, you know how nosy Starr Ann can be. No way is she about to send us off where she can't snoop around on whether we're re-bonding or not."

I said, "Point well taken. You can say that again."

Jodie quit squinting at the ceiling and focused on me. "You're getting tipsy, Margo."

"Not on your life. Not a snowball's chance."

Jodie smiled real knowing-like. "It was just an observation, not an accusation. More amaretto?"

"Yep, fill 'er up. Top me off."

The bottle seemed to be getting a little frisky, so Jodie handled it very deliberately. She spoke real slow and careful too. "You're definitely buzzed. I can tell because you're starting to speak in clichés. And you're reinforcing the first one with a second one."

"You're off the mark, Jodie. Totally out of the money, here."

I swear Jodie's starting to take on some of Starr Ann's mannerisms, because right then she did a fairly accurate version of that one smug smile that Starr Ann practically has a patent on.

So, we played strip Scrabble for a while, until it was way late. Finally, we decided Miss Algorithm wasn't going to show up that night.

"You might as well stay here tonight, Margo. Trickster and Amelia get along so well, and I'll bet they've already bedded down out there beside the hay roll."

I said, "Moon's up by now, and it's fairly large tonight. Let's take a moonlight walk to the pasture and surprise those two with some carrots."

Jodie was on her feet and getting the carrots before I even finished what I was saying.

Turned out, we didn't get moonlight. Nope. Cloud cover was so dense, we couldn't even pick out a glowing area to tell us where the moon was hiding.

We had climbed the fence and were taking care not to trip in the pasture, which tends to be rougher going than a plain old grassy field, on account of deep hoof prints. All of a sudden, Jodie put her hand on my arm to stop me, and we stood there very still for a few seconds. Our eyes began to adjust to the deep darkness, and we could see both horses lying flat out over by the hay roll, right where Jodie guessed they'd be. Lightning bug paparazzi flashed all around us, and off toward the south fence, we saw the silhouettes of about ten deer, heads to the ground, casually grazing. It was one of those moments where you feel like you're getting a glimpse of what lies underneath everything we call reality. I knew Jodie felt that way too when she took my hand and squeezed it nice and even.

Well, Amelia and Trickster didn't even bother to get up, so we stooped down and fed them their carrots right there on the ground. Lazy bums.

In the morning, with still no sign of Starr Ann, I stayed and helped Jodie do her morning chores then she came over to Happy Hands Ranch to do mine with me.

All through chores, all while we enjoyed a delicious lunch Jodie whipped up, all during a late-afternoon ride down to the big pond for a swim, and then even all through fixing supper that night, we came up with one hypothesis after another trying to guess what kinda plot Starr Ann's gonna come up with to help Jodie and me get close again.

Jodie's going to stay here tonight, because we're going to scour my hard drive for that algorithm. Try to beat Starr Ann to the punch. Heh. It's always good to stay one step ahead of Starr Ann when she gets all possessed with something like this.

Pocket Protector Days

My best friend Starr Ann (hi, Starr Ann) came walking toward the barn with that one look on her face and carrying a clipboard. Right away, I calculated whether I had any shot at getting out of Trickster's stall and through the back door without Starr Ann seeing me. It didn't take a genius to come up with odds of about 37 billion to one. Against me.

So I said, "Hey, Starr Ann, see you have the clipboard. This should be fun." Actually, when Starr Ann has the clipboard, you can say anything that comes to your head, because she isn't going to hear what you say, unless what you say has to do with whatever's on the clipboard.

Starr Ann grunted and took the pencil from behind her ear. "Printed out a few graphs, here, Margo. Found something innerestin' about your writing lately."

"My writing?"

"Yes. About The Chronicles."

And here, just to show off to myself how well I know Starr Ann, I said, "Corn cob holders shaped like Peruvian mice."

She nodded all serious and said, "Exactly."

See? Clipboard plus any subject other than what's on her clipboard equals transparent.

Anyway, I said, "So tell me your findings about The Chronicles."

Starr Ann braced the edge of her precious clipboard on her hip real cute and consulted the top sheet of paper as she reported, "I've graphed the number of times you mention Jodie against time and found a shocking drop-off in Jodie-related posts over the last few months."

Well, I couldn't hardly argue with that. "You know as well as I do, Starr Ann, that Jodie's been working her heart out on that book, being totally meticulous about documenting the Bush administration's atrocities here in the last months of the regime."

Well, she couldn't hardly argue with that. "I do know that. And I also know you've made it a point to stand back and give Jodie and me time alone whenever she does come up for air." Starr Ann flipped to the second page. "Here we have a histogram that clearly shows you've been doing that over roughly the same period of time as the Jodie-deficient posts."

All of a sudden it hit me. Lori Hahn. I said, "You saw yesterday where Lori posted her Spreadsheet of Moving, didn't you, Starr Ann?"

Starr Ann shifted to her other, non-clipboard hip and said, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Well, that proved it. Lori's post definitely had everything to do with this, or else Starr Ann wouldn't have even heard what I said. Heh.

I went on, "You saw that spreadsheet and just couldn't stand it. What else have you got charted there in that stack of papers?"

She clapped the clipboard up close to her chest. "Nothing much. Now, Margo, what are we going to do about your estrangement from Jodie?"

"Estrangement?"

"What else would you call it? Can you even remember the last time you sat down to a meal with Jodie? The last time you put up fencing with her? The last time you saddled up Trickster and rode over to her house to see if she'd like to hop on Amelia and go for a ride? The last time you ganged up with her and made fun of me while I'm listening to music?"

"Stop right there, Starr Ann. We were not making fun. We were sharing how much we love you." Starr Ann didn't even hear that, because it had nothing to do with her printouts. Then I couldn't help myself. I said, "I sure do remember the last time I was all alone with Jodie in this barn. In the biblical sense."

Starr Ann smiled. "That was an anomalous data point that I had to exclude from my reports here. Believe me, I tried to work it into something, but like I said - anomalous."

Since I was just about finished grooming Trickster, I cut to the chase. "So, what do we have to do in response to your findings, Starr Ann."

"I'm glad you asked that, Margo."

I silently cursed Lori Hahn one more time for good measure. "Just tell me, and get it over with, Starr Ann."

Starr Ann pulled several bottom sheets free of her clipboard and repositioned them on the top. "All I need you to do is fill out these forms I've made up." She turned the board so the forms were face up from my perspective. "Answer from your gut, not your brain. And when you're finished, I'll apply your parameters to a little algorithm I've written. After that, I should be able to tell you what we're gonna do about this."

Lori Hahn and her dang Spreadsheet of Moving.

Osiris And The Big Dodge & Weave

Starr Ann and I found Jodie in her barn, cleaning up Amelia. Nothing looks dirtier than a paint horse after she's wallowed in mud. Amelia looked like a giant piece of fried chicken as Jodie worked to brush and crumble the thick dried mud that coated just about every inch of her longish winter coat.

Jodie didn't look so good. The drawn face, hollow eyes and tight mouth that greeted us from the other side of Amelia's withers didn't belong to the Jodie we knew.

I said, "Let's cut to the chase, Jodie. What's up with you and Lane?"

She said nothing was up.

I said bullshit.

Jodie shot a look at Starr Ann, then gave in. "Lane has no business going into the service."

I said, "Our sentiments exactly, but it's Lane's life and besides having no power to stop her, I'm not sure, after talking to Lane and Amanda about it, we even would if we could."

Jodie ducked under Amelia's neck to get to her right side. Weird, but I've watched Jodie work on Amelia enough to know she never moves in front of her like that without putting a kiss on Amelia's nose. "Well, then I don't think we have anything to discuss, Margo. Might as well leave it right here."

"Nope, not an option."

Jodie tossed her brush into clean shavings and came barreling out of the stall. "Look! I need to be on a certain plane to keep my sanity and write this book about the war at the same time. Can you understand that?"

"I understand perfectly, but shutting Lane out and pretending you aren't invested in someone who might end up in Iraq isn't a healthy way to stay grounded, Jodie. Really."

Starr Ann put her arms around Jodie, saying, "Margo's right, baby."

"The book really does need to be written, Jodie. And since neither Starr Ann nor I've been to college, or have the credentials to write it, you've got to figure out a way to balance writing and reconciling with Lane before she leaves."

A little bit of Jodie's sense of humor was already flowing back in. "Great, Margo, the education factor was bound to come up sooner or later, wasn't it?"

Starr Ann released Jodie, picked up the discarded brush, and started on Amelia where Jodie'd left off. I bopped Jodie on the head with the rub rag I'd been folding. "Yep, but don't worry. Unless you mention it, nobody'd ever guess you're a professor. You come off as perfectly normal. Really."

I watched Starr Ann cross in front of Amelia's chest and kiss her nose on the way, just like Jodie usually does. Jodie saw it too, and all of a sudden looked like she could just about eat Starr Ann alive.

I said, "You know what? This is one of those places in life that could be a real turning point. A lot of people couldn't get beyond watching Lane go off to the Army during this war without having it turn them into adults."

Starr Ann had Amelia nice and shiny and was in the middle of picking out a front hoof. She paused in mid pick and said, "But we know Neith is watching over us and we're keeping the Osiris myth in mind the whole time, right?"

Jodie cocked her head and said, "I'm familiar enough with Neith, but can't recall Osiris."

Starr Ann said, "It's that one where after death, the only thing that happens is your heart is placed on the pan of a scale. In the other pan, there's a feather. If you escape this life with a heart that's lighter than the feather, you advance to the next world. If not, you come back to this one and try again."

Jodie took my hand and towed me over to a bale of hay. She sat down and pulled me into her lap, where we could sit and watch Starr Ann finish up on Amelia. Tightening her arms around my waist, she said, "Well damn it all, then! You two aren't going to leave me behind. Fuck it. I'm following you into the next world." Jodie squeezed my breast, pushed me from her lap, and popped into the stall to give Amelia two nice kisses on the nose. Then she reached into her pocket for a mint.

As Amelia's strong, flat teeth crushed the candy, her nostils widened and she breathed out forcefully. Jodie took in a huge gulp of the cold, pepperminted air and said, "Just smell that!"

Exit Strategy

My best friend Starr Ann slipped into bed with me last night, right as I was about to fall asleep. Love when she does that.

We were getting situated, cuddling up, and Starr Ann said, "Got a little problem with Jodie."

So I acted all put off, pushed her away from me, and said, "Yuck. Your girlfriend's holding out and you're crawling in here for a little help? Thanks, but no thanks, Starr Ann. It hasn't been that long since Celia Susan was here."

Starr Ann laughed, but she rolled over on top of me real fast. "You know, Margo, Jodie still thinks you and me have unfinished business."

Dang, but Starr Ann has strong legs. Once she gets a good thigh lock on you, you're pretty much stuck until you can trick her into letting you up. I said, "You're unique, Starr Ann, you know that?"

"Wonderfully singular, unique? Or peculiar, unique?" She actually pushed her pelvis into me on each of the 'uniques.'

"Wonderfully peculiar, unique." I tried one more time to buck her off. "We should have tried the rodeo, dammit. I could've made a fortune putting you up on broncs and bulls."

Starr Ann giggled, but she didn't move off. I said, "Ok, what's up with Jodie?"

"Don't know, exactly, but I think it has something to do with Lane's enlistment."

"Dang, you're serious, aren't you? I thought Jodie'd just been a little scarce lately because of being busy with the book."

Starr Ann's voice was taking on that hushed, Starr Ann whisperiness. "She's really thrown by it, Margo. And she's kinda cut off and distant about everything."

I put my arms up around Starr Ann and pulled her down for a full-body hug. "Thrown, as in?"

"Thrown, as in she's real mad and doesn't want to even see or talk to Lane."

Starr Ann wasn't doing anything with her hips by then, was just lying there being a lump. "Then we'll work on this, baby. First thing in the morning, I'm going over there and having a talk with Ms. Jodie Diamond."

Starr Ann reanimated. "You will? I just don't want Lane to leave for the Army without..." Then Starr Ann started jerking real hard and I thought she was laughing. But it ended up she was crying! And Starr Ann never cries.

By the time we got through, we had it figured out that Jodie was the only one of us who's not in denial. Starr Ann and I finally admitted to each other we're terrified of what could lie ahead for Lane in the Army, and we've decided to go together to Jodie's and talk it out.

Anyway, we were past the crying and the talking, and had made that decision about going to Jodie's and Starr Ann was still nice and firmly in place. Thoughts of mortality transform so effortlessly into the need to feel alive.

Starr Ann raised herself up a little and looked down on me. She smiled that one Starr Ann smile. "Know what, Margo? I bet we end up saving each other until our old age."

"You mean after our breasts fall down and go boom?"

Starr Ann cracked up. "Maybe, but that'll hardly matter." She got up then, went over to the window, and climbed out. Starr Ann has never left my bedroom any other way. Always goes right out the window.

Anyway, Lane leaves for Basic Training on December 12.

Cowgirl Awe

Big storms here late yesterday. Weakened by heat and drought, lots of trees just threw themselves on the ground as soon as the wind picked up.

Starr Ann was saying she should ride over to Ms Jodie Diamond's place, since she's new to this part of the country, and check on her. No need. Right as Starr Ann was saying that, we heard boots on the porch and Jodie Diamond knocked at the front door. You should have seen Starr Ann's face.

To be accurate, it's Professor Jodie Diamond. Professor of American History on sabbatical from some university up in New England.

You wouldn't believe how much you can learn about a woman in the process of killing a bottle of Cuervo Gold. Jodie is our new idol. She left her job and bought that ranch so she'd have the time and a little quiet for recording the atrocities our country is committing around the globe. Recording them in a way that only a historian can.

I'll never forget one part of the conversation. Jodie said, "These cocksucking bastards are rewriting the facts AS THEY HAPPEN! And the bulk of this TV-watching, trans fat-avoiding, SUV-driving society slurp it up like it's the God's honest truth. So what in the fuck do you think the history books are going to read like in ten years?"

Main thing I'm thinking is Jodie doesn't talk like you'd expect a professor to.

Jodie continued. "You saving the rest of that tequila for a special occassion, Margo?"

"Um, sorry. No. Here you go."

Jodie continued again. "On the slim chance there's anything left of America - the America we loved - ten years from now, I'll be ready and waiting with a historical account that isn't overflowing with fear, bullshit and righteousness." She didn't wait for me to pour the next one, and after she threw it back she said, "God damn those motherfuckers for pissing all over my country!"

Jodie Diamond is our new idol.