Saturday, December 15, 2007

The Blue Tea Meme From A Virgin Memer

My best friend Starr Ann (hi, Starr Ann) and I have been tagged by The Queen of Memes The Blue Tea Meme From A Virgin Memer. Well, you might be wondering what that means. So did we. To tell the truth, our first thought was, "Dang, we probably have nothing to wear."

Turns out, though, we could do this without any clothes on at all, if we wanted to. We got word from a totally unreliable source that Mimi Lenox, who tagged us, actually wrote her Blue Tea Meme in nothing but a neon-pink feather boa and a brown patent-leather pantsuit. Anyway, fashion is irrelevant, because all this Meme Tag thing means is that we have a nice, fun blog subject all set up for us. Starr Ann and I just have to flesh it out.

Anyway, we've been kinda long in getting around to doing this. What finally put a flame to our chaps was Mimi's thinly veiled, well not veiled at all really, threat concerning a dungeon. That did it. Starr Ann is totally in awe of anyone who has a dungeon, and ever since Mimi left that comment, Starr Ann's been on my case.
Here are the rules (and, yes, cowgirls are known for not getting on well in a 'rule' environment, but we're really trying here).

Rules For The Blue Tea Meme: Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life. It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take. Tag five.

Okay, here's one thing Starr Ann and I decided right away. We will not be taking our courses together. That part is my idea. And I really had to insist on it, because taking a class, any class, with Starr Ann is something I've promised myself I never have to go through again in my whole life.

Last time, Starr Ann and I signed up for this meditation/yoga/tofu course called Relax Your Way To Success. Well, Starr Ann got bored with what she called the "lack of stimulation" after about the first five minutes of the first class. And we were supposed to be in the thing for two whole months, three nights a week. So, second time we went, when they handed out the yoga instructions, Starr Ann worked her evil on the drawings of ladies demonstrating poses. What she was able to do with just a pen and her sick mind really was quite remarkable. I tried to keep from laughing, but Starr Ann would do all these disgusting things to one of the sketches and shove it so seriously right in front of me, and then I'd accidentally look at it and crack up.

That kind of thing kept happening, until on the night of the fifth class meeting, we got kicked out because "Margo's lack of maturity is interfering with the other students' experience." And these were people who are practically professionals at being calm and accepting!

Bottom line, we're not taking anymore classes together. Ever.

Anyway, we get to make up courses!

Starr Ann's first. It's hard to tell from these how lighthearted that girl really is. Deep down.

1. How to Prepare Edible Meals in a Post-Apocalyptic America

Class Description: Use of post-annihilation probable foodstuffs will be discussed and explored. Recipes will include, but not be limited to, 'Blackened Twig Shortbread', 'Stone Stew' and 'Mutant Chicken Egg Souffle.' 1.5 Credit Hours

2. Personal Laser-Beam Application to Deter Eyes in the Sky

Class Description: Participants will build a highly individualized and camoflaged Sun-hot laser system as a means of protecting the personal right to privacy. 3 Credit Hours

3. Fooling All The People All The Time

Class Description: Phone pranks, escape methods, and tricky cowgirl techniques for getting into tight spots, but slipping right out again with minimum detection. Independent study

Now mine. These are a little narrower in scope, and not really college-level classes like Starr Ann's were. But they're things I think would be real helpful.

4. Profanity For Dummies

I have a rare form of dyslexic Tourette's Syndrome. In theory, I can cuss. But faced with a real-life cussing situation, I get the words all wrong, no matter how hard I try. I already blogged about the whole thing, so you've got the picture. I even mess up that acronym form of Internet cussing. You wouldn't believe how many Cool Lesbian chat rooms I've been thrown out of for saying things like OFHJLLRPQGF!!! At first, you can just see all the Cool Lesbians emailing each other real fast behind the scenes, trying to figure out what clever profanity I've come up with. Then I accidentally ask something obvious like, What does OMFG stand for?' and all of a sudden it hits them that I'm clueless and everybody starts ignoring me. Anyway, learning to cuss real fancy and on the spot is a longtime dream of mine.

5. Quick Removal of CD Cellophane

I don't think this needs explanation. CD wrappers are ridiculous.

Starr Ann and I tossed a coin to decide who gets to share one of Mimi's courses. I won!

6. Foreign Affairs 303

A hot Cuban dancer with flashing dark eyes and a cha-cha-cha in his (mine will be a her) caio is really what I mean, but I digress. I need to know in one simple three-paragraph summary in complete-cut-the-political-BS-sentences. WHY are we still fighting?

7. Drawing/Editing Yoga Poses

Okay, I admit it. Starr Ann's vulgarization of those yoga pose drawings made me wish I had her artistic talent. I swear, what that girl can do with a line drawing of a woman doing Downward Dog will bring absolute tears to your eyes.

So, who are Starr Ann and I tagging?