Friday, September 7, 2007

Club Topsy-Turvey

Jodie Diamond has the best toys!

Last night she brought over this addictive new computer game she found. Of course, she couldn't just tell us outright what she had in that bright purple box. No, she had to put it on the matelpiece, pat it once, and then proceed to skirt around the subject of cruising, bars, one-night stands, and awkward breakfasts for two. I swear, if that woman isn't about as bad as Starr Ann when it comes to being aggravating.

But I have not studied at the Starr Ann Institute of Exacerbation all my life for nothing. When it started looking like Jodie was going to keep us in suspense about that box all the way through dinner, I marched out to the kitchen, picked up the phone, and cancelled our pizza. That got Professor Diamond's attention.

Jodie shot me a look that said she owes me one and sauntered to the mantel.

When the disc loaded, these lavender letters came tumbling across the screen and when they settled down, they spelled out Club Topsy-Turvy over a graphic of the outer door to a glamorous nightclub.

Jodie clicked the Enter button and we were whisked inside this giant leather bar just packed with women.

First thing we each had to do was create a profile. Starr Ann and I peeped over Jodie's shoulder to see what she chose.

Starr Ann said, "You're saying you're a bottom? What the hell?"

Jodie laughed and said, "Believe me, it's better to start out this way, until you get used to how the game works. First one I did was a top, and those sim dykes just about got me thrown out of the place. Bitches also managed to get in the way every time I spotted a woman to flirt with. Just biding my time until I learn the ropes a little."

I did mine next and decided to follow Jodie's advice on the top/bottom thing. I went in as a bottom, named Tiffany, who drinks sloe gin fizzes. That seemed sufficiently bottomy to me.

Of course, Starr Ann had to be Mustang Queen, a top who drinks ouzo shots with beer chasers, no glass for the beer, just leave the bottle, please.

So we go into the main room and wander over to the bar. Right away, Jodie, I mean Creamy Girl, gets a message that someone wants to buy her a drink. She checks the profile real quick and smiles. "Met this fine figure of a woman last night. You girls have fun, I'm going to accept this drink request and see what develops."

Starr Ann and I drifted over to the pool tables and a tall blonde all in black shiny leather kept standing next to me after she took her shots. She was a flashy pool player by the name of Angel Stick. I lost track of Starr Ann after that.

Later on, we put things on hold to eat. Jodie and I were all hyped up over our virtual exploits, and were talking a mile a minute. We both noticed at the same time that Starr Ann wasn't saying much. She wasn't eating like usual, either.

Since Starr Ann wouldn't tell us what happened, Jodie got the laptop out and brought up Mustang Queen's history. Her eyes got bigger and bigger the more she read. One time, she reached over and touched Starr Ann's hand, saying, "My poor baby." Then, she saw something that made her lose it altogether. When Jodie stopped laughing, she said, "Starr Ann, honey, what ever possessed you to choose Yes on the blindfold question?"