Here's one of those Republican fake cowgirls I was telling you about yesterday. Looks genuine, doesn't she?
So where was I? Oh, yeah, Starr Ann and I were in the middle of a delightful day at the County Fair doing everything we could think of to aggravate the conservatives. After getting ourselves accepted into a little 'cowgirl' clique known as Cowgirls United for National TraditionS, we proceeded to mess with their minds.
Later on in the afternoon, I was getting tired and hungry, so I said to Starr Ann, "That's enough for today, don't you think?"
Starr Ann wasn't nearly ready to quit. "What are you talking about? I think we should take them out drinking and whip their asses in pool."
"I'm starving, Starr Ann."
"Well, then, we'll get something to eat. What'll it take to persuade you to keep playing?"
I tried to look pensive before suggesting, "I'd really enjoy sleeping with Jodie."
"Forget it."
"Just once?"
"Absolutely not."
"Good, I'm taking that as a maybe."
So we went out drinking with the Cowgirls United for National TraditionS. Have you ever been in a bar full of straight Republicans? I don't recommend it. First thing we noticed was that all the ones in suits were really guys. It's true. And the girls' restroom? Full of only girls. I swear. Not people who identify as women, but strictly biologically female people. Conservatives have no detectable imaginations. And their music is crappy.
After a few drinks, I started watching this one woman who had those cruel-yet-kind brown eyes that drive me crazy and thighs that you just know could pin you in place until she was good and finished with you.
Starr Ann saw me looking and cruised past me, saying real low, "I've got ten dollars that say her last semen injection is less than 24 hours old."
That snapped me awake. We didn't stay much longer after that. Starr Ann put on a brief eightball clinic for the Cowgirls United for National TraditionS, relieving them of a bunch of their money and all their pride, and we decided to call it a night.
Not before slow-dancing together, though, and topping it off with a very nice kiss, just to make the Cowgirls United for National TraditionS uncomfortable.
On the way home, we decided it's no wonder those poor heavy-duty Christians are so invested in the next life. They simply are not making the most of this one.
Oh, and for anyone who thinks it's unfair to poke fun at the Republicans - get over it. Being right-wing in this country at this particular moment in history amounts to intellectual and moral failure. Unlike Nancy Pelosi and her gang, Starr Ann and I are taking nothing off the table.
