Wednesday, August 22, 2007

We Weren't Trying To Be Nice - Part I

In 7 days we mark the second anniversary of Hurricane Katrina's devastating blow to New Orleans.
In 9 days we mark our unelected, incurious president's quick flyby of the ruins.
In 13 days we mark the moment the leader of the free world congratulated Brownie on doing a heck of a job.

Within hours of Hurricane Dean hitting the Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico's President Felipe Calderon cut short a summit meeting with his US and Canadian counterparts to rush to the aid of his people.

Yesterday, Starr Ann got so stirred up all over again about the Katrina Disgrace, she had to let off steam somehow. Around noon she said, "Margo, we need go taunt some Republicans."

That sounded good to me, but these days you can barely find two overt conservatives to rub against each other. Sorry about the imagery there.

Then Starr Ann had herself an idea. The County Fair! It’s County Fair Week here and that means the bunch of right-wing prisspots who call themselves Cowgirls United for National TraditionS are in town. We headed directly to the Fairgrounds and found this bunch of lovelies sitting outside the main rodeo barn.

Now, real cowgirls they ain’t. These Coulter followers don’t know a stifle from a hock, they pay others to muck their stalls, and they do not know that a horse is a 3-decade commitment and a lifelong love, not an investment to trade up on in a year or two.

So Starr Ann starts right in winning the hearts and minds of these Cowgirls United for National TraditionS by saying things like “Don’t you just know Jenna’s wedding dress is going to be amazing?” and “I really like these hot pink bows you’ve braided into your black stallion’s mane.” Starr Ann can be real sickening when she tries. And, girl, was she trying.

After about an hour hanging around those Barbie Cowgirls, Starr Ann had them believing we were with them all the way. So, as this one Cowgirl United for National TraditionS is about to ride out to the arena, she fluffs her hair and asks Starr Ann how she looks.

Starr Ann says, real enthused, “Your hair is perfection.” Then she acts kind of pained to have to add, “But those jeans make your butt look big.”

Well that little Republican fake cowgirl started whipping her hands around and twisting her head all crazy, like if she whirled around fast enough she might actually catch a glimpse of her own butt. Then they called her number and she had to ride out in front of all those people feeling like she was having a bad butt, yet good hair, day.

You’d think an incident like that would put Starr Ann out of favor. But no. Conservatives have a peculiar obedience to pecking order and when this girl came back to the barn she couldn’t quit following Starr Ann around. Since Starr Ann truly does have the cutest butt ever to peep out of chaps, she instantly became this girl's idol.

This is getting a bit long, so why don't I wait until tomorrow to tell you about the rest of our day tormenting the Cowgirls United for National TraditionS?