Sunday, October 28, 2007

Kids Need Hugs

Our new neighbor from California, Lori, came to see us yesterday! She's been in such demand with the local lesbians, we thought it would probably be weeks before she got around to us. So, what a pleasant surprise when she called my cell phone to just say hi, and I asked her over and she said yes. In fact, she said while she was here, we could help her name her ranch!

When I got off the phone, I must have looked delighted yet puzzled, because Starr Ann asked, "What's the matter, Margo?"

"Nothing's the matter. I'm so glad Lori's coming over! But right before saying goodbye, she said something odd. She asked how many computers we have in the house, or at least have access to on a daily basis."

Starr Ann said, "Might be some California etiquette we never heard of."

Jodie said she doubted that.

Lori was dressed real casual, in an expensive, but not show-offy way. We all drifted toward the kitchen as we said hi and everything. Guess the aroma of the pie Jodie was baking drew us in that direction.

I said, "So, we get to help you name your ranch, eh? Wow. What an honor."

Lori said, "Right. The ranch name. How many computers did you say you have here?"

Starr Ann said, "One. Do you need to borrow it? Your kids are welcome to it anytime, for homework or whatever they want."

Lori appraised Starr Ann, seemed to approve of what she saw, and said, "Thank you so much for that offer, Starr Ann. But we have several computers at our place." Then Lori swung herself around to look out the window. After a few seconds, she blurted out, "I didn't get enough hugs when I was a child."

Jodie said, "I'm so sorry."

Starr Ann said, "Maybe you'll make up for it now."

I said, "Gosh, Lori, I'm real sorry to hear that."

Lori whirled around and said, "Thank you Starr Ann, you're mighty sweet. And," Lori then put one finger to her lips, as if trying to think how to word it, "Margo, that golly-gee-willickers routine you lapse into, honey, maybe not so much, okay?"


Jodie changed the subject. "So, Lori, I hear you're looking for a name for your place."

Lori brightened. "Why yes, I am. But first, Jodie, as an academic, I'm guessing you might have multiple computers at your house. I'm thinking a couple of PCs and maybe a laptop."

Jodie nodded at that and said, "Any ideas about the ranch name yet?"

All of a sudden, Lori was more interested in Jodie. "The ranch. Yes. What do you think would make a good name, Jodie?"

Jodie said, "Well, why did you come here in the first place? What does the ranch mean to you? What does it symbolize in your life?"

"I moved here from California because I have a weakness for cowgirls. Came here to ride me some cowgirls. Get me some cowgirl." Then Lori added kinda fast, "And the school system is excellent, I understand."

Starr Ann cracked up and said, "How about Cuntented Acres?"

Lori cocked her head a second. "A bit edgy. Keep thinking. In the meantime, did I mention I didn't get enough hugs when I was a kid?"

Jodie, Starr Ann and I exchanged some nervous looks. Oh, oh. Did Lori Hahn come over here today to ride these cowgirls?

Lori went on. "A good way to get over a hug deficit is to supply yourself with victory after victory after victorious victory. Understand?" And then she did it. She raised one eyebrow, and so our lesbianic DNA kicked into high gear.

I said, "Are you pursuing a victory at this very moment, Lori? Is there some way we can help?"

Lori smiled at me so sweet. Dang, she's gonna get to ride all the cowgirls her heart desires, if she keeps that up! She said, "As a matter of fact, I am rather involved in a little contest over at BlogInterviewer right now. And I need for as many people as possible to go over there and vote for my blog. I need for you and everybody you know to use every single computer you can get your hands on to vote every single day for me. There are only 3 days left in the month and that's when this contest ends. Can you ladies rally some clicks for me? Hm? Hm?"

We all started counting the computers and the friends we could enlist, and Lori seemed to like that a lot.

Over pie and coffee a bit later, Starr Ann brought up the subject of naming Lori's place again. Starr Ann can be so logical sometime, you wouldn't believe. She said, "Lori girl, you came here to ride cowgirls. Not a thing wrong with that. How about calling your place Riding Cowgirls Ranch?"

That got us another great big Lori Hahn smile, and she said, "Perfect name! Now I'm gonna go on home to Riding Cowgirls Ranch so you ladies can saddle up and spread the word about voting for me at BlogInterviewer. Don't forget to click your own votes before you leave, though."